Second Thoughts...with regards to Real Estate

I have been having second thoughts regarding going back into real estate. There have been slanderous words said about me from my maternal uncle's side of the family and I'm not too happy about that. I don't like the fact that my uncles are shoving my mother around under the guise of "we just want to help you..." and because my mother is distraught over Dad's death, that she's buying it hook, line and sinker. I have my own reasons for disliking my maternal uncles. I want nothing more to do with them. As far as I am concerned, the Mimoto side of the family is DEAD to me. And if the two of those uncles piss me off even more, I will ennokiru ~disown~ that entire family line out of the Chikamori family rolls in Japan from my maternal grandmother on down. And that I can do as the titular head of the Chikamori family upon my father's death. Now the uncles think that my mother nor myself deserve to inherit anything from the estate of my maternal grandfather despite the fact that I was the firstborn grandson of my maternal grandfather and that I was the only one that he knew. They would raise a stink if I was the "realtor" who sold the Mimoto "family" home and try to cut me out of my commission.

When Dad died, I came to the realization that this will happen to me soon enough. When he passed away, I realized that my remaining life was measured in a few decades, not in a half-century. That I may end up taking the same final walk that he did. I hope that there is something there after death. I want to believe that there isn’t the “finality” of death; that there is something there…beyond the grave. I want to believe that our spirits go to a spirit world where all our family is waiting there for us to cross over. I want to believe that I’ll see Dad again, where-ever he is. And I want him to be there with open arms saying “Anata no jinsei jozu ni torikoshita.” I want him to be able to say “Well done, my son, I’m proud of you.” ~ something he was never able to do in life. I want to believe that we’ll be there together again as a family. I keep hearing that “Tanomu yo…Tanomu yo…~I ask you to do this for me...~” in my head. And I’m taking it to mean that he knew that I finally found what I wanted to do in life and he wanted me to RUN with it. He knew that I’d finally found what I wanted to do in my life. And the last time I showed him the picture of that dolphin leaping he was so damned proud of me for nailing that shot with perfect exposure. I showed him the shot of the heron at that playground and he was beaming with pride. He’d known that I had finally found my place. At least he was alive to know that I had finally found my place in this world. That’s all any father wants for their children and that’s all I want for my own children is that they find what they truly want to do with their lives. He knew I wasn’t happy in music, he knew that I wasn’t happy in real estate and he knew that I was absolutely not happy in accounting. But to see his face light up when he saw the results of my photography, that was the best feeling in the world.

The photography business that I’m trying to develop is not for me; it’s ultimately for the kids in the end. It’s supposed to be a concrete example that no matter how hard their Dad was hit or knocked to the ground, he didn’t quit. He got up, brushed himself off and kept striving for that goal no matter how many times he failed. And that was what my Dad taught me. He always said. “Fight o motan katara dame! ~You have to have that fight inside yourself~" You have to always keep fighting; fighting to win! If I don’t fight, if I don’t strive to win, then I’m good as dead. I might as well end it, because then I’m no use to my own family. Grandpa gave that example to me with his restarting his gardening business after the war, Dad gave that example to me after no matter what the obstacles, he kept working harder than ever. And I want to hold that example to my own children; that their Dad never gave up; no matter what anyone thought of him. I want to die of a heart-attack with a camera in my hand, doing what I was meant to do. That’s the way I want to go.

I have 35 years left if that; and I can’t waste another moment. No matter how long it takes, my end goal will be to leave my existence with a legacy for my children; their father’s photographic career, this business if they want to take it over. I want to live up to my father’s final request of me: "Tanomu yo... ".