We have seen Beauty and the Beast Special Edition, The Little Mermaid Special Edition, The Lion King Special Edition, The MULAN Special Edition (and that really rankles my goat (no pun intended) because out of all the bloody Disney Specials that I have seen come out in Special Edition; the one Disney Movie that I really truly enjoyed and want my kids to be able to see and enjoy is "Hercules".
That, I swear, was the funniest damned Disney animated movie to ever come out of Walt Disney studios.
With lines like:
Panic: "Hercules." Why does that name ring a bell?
Pain: I don't know. Um, maybe we owe him money?
Hades: What-was-that-name-again?
Meg: Hercules.
Panic: Wait, wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to...?
Pain, Panic: Oh, my Gods!
[they run, Hades seizes them]
Hades: So you took care of him, huh? "Dead as a doornail." Weren't those your *exact* words?
Pain: This might be a different Hercules.
Panic: Yeah. I mean, Hercules is a very popular name nowadays.
Pain: Remember, like, a few years ago, every other boy was named Jason, and the girls were all named Brittany?
Hades: Pain!
Pain: Coming, your most lugubriousness.
Hades: Panic!
Panic: Oh, sorry. I can handle it.
[Runs down the stairs; trips and crashes into Pain; they tumble down the stairs; Pain is now stuck to Panic's horns]
Pain: Pain - Ow!
Panic: And Panic - eechk!
Pain, Panic: ...reporting for duty!
Hades: Fine, fine, fine. Just inform me the minute the Fates arrive.
Panic: Oh, they're here!
Hades: [shouting] What! The Fates were here and you didn't tell me?
Pain, Panic: Ohh... We are worms!
[as they grovel, they turn into worms]
Pain, Panic: Worthless worms!
Hades: Memo to me... Memo to me: Maim you after my meeting.
Hades: I can't believe this guy. I throw everything I've got at him, and it doesn't even...
[Hades notices Pain is wearing Air-Hercs]
Hades: What... are... those?
Pain: Um, I don't know. I-I thought they looked kinda dashing.
Hades: I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke,
[begins to shout]
Hades: and you are wearing his merchandise?
[Hades almost blows up in front of Pain, but stops to see Panic slurping a Hercules drink]
Panic: [chuckling nervously] Thirsty?
Hades: AAAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!
[nuclear explosion blows off top of mountain]
The Pain-Panic-Hades interaction just made this movie an absolutely hilarious counterpoint to the saccharine sweet Megara and Hercules romance. James Woods just stole the show as Hades. And just the fact that they made Hermes look like composer and Tonight show bandmaster Paul Schaffer and Paul Schaffer actually played Hermes...that was one of the best parts of it. They do need to come up with a 2-disc Special Edition for this movie and they gotta do it soon.
Not going to be satisfied with Disney until they do.
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