I no longer want to be around negative people. I would rather spend my time comforting those who TRULY hurt; those who have lost people close to them. I want to spend my time pursuing my hobbies and my work because I have a goal to work towards. In other words I have no more time for "time-wasters". Mainly I find that every moment of our lives is precious and wasting time complaining about life's small problems in general is not productive.
I truly feel for those who have lost someone because that is not something that you can "get over". You will always have that missing spot in your heart. "Time heals all" is too trite of a phrase. Time doesn't heal; it just makes the pain more distant, but like a boomerang it will return; on special days that the two of you spent together, on their birthdays, on their anniversary of their death, on the holidays. It never, ever completely goes away.
For me, personally, I find that I have grieved for my father, and I still grieve for him, but for me, my best gift to him, would be to live my life well...to live my life to the best that I can live it. That is what I want to do to honor his legacy and in order to do that, I cannot have any negative people in my life; I cannot let life's "little problems" get to me. And I will NOT let them get to me.
To the person who lost the promotion, I'd be saying "I understand that you're distraught, but are you absolutely certain that you did everything that you could to secure that promotion?" Evidently there was something that was missing or he would have received it. If he did do all that he could have, maybe it was not the right time for it. Maybe it was meant for him/her to secure other avenues. It is normal to be disappointed. It is not constructive to whine about it endlessly. Life is unfair; unfortunately, those are the cards that are dealt us. To tell you the truth, I'm not the richest person in the world. Actually, I would say that I'm probably down there in the "gutter" right now. I'm grateful that I have a roof over my head, my health could be better, but it's adequate for what I need to do. I have food on the table. I have a landlord who understands the financial situation we're in (where my wife is getting few hours), but we always have enough money to get the rent paid and food on the table. It's a matter of making the proper choices (and the proper choices may not be popular, but that's what keeps us afloat financially - sometimes it means the choice between eating at home or out. Going out to a movie or staying at home and watching the DVDs we already have watched 5 or 6 times already). Everyone has choices. The results in life are as a result of the choices YOU make. And that's a harsh assessment but true. Even when you feel that someone has done something bad to you; you have the choice of continuing to associate with the person or terminating the relationship. It's whether you do something about the situation that allows you to better your situation. And that's what I've dedicated the rest of my life to...is pursuing my goals, and making sure that I have a legacy of persistence for my own children, rather than seeing their dad curled up on the floor whining about "how tough my life is". If I show my children the same thing that my father showed me (in not giving up) they learn a far better lesson in life than any schooling ever will teach them.
The point that I am making with this post is that I have found that I was not able to move forward in life until I got past the "whining" stage. And that is where a lot of people are stuck in. The whiners will seek to drag you down with them. Especially the ones who seem to whine about every monkey-wrench that life throws at them (and I was a prime example of that... Everything I could whine about, I would...like not being able to have enough money to get this business started the way I wanted to. Or complaining about how my back (which I injured in a severe fall down the stairs) was hampering my day ~ now I shut up and bear the pain (take two extra-strength Tylenol) and just keep moving or complaining that my wife doesn't make enough...etc etc etc...ad infinitum, ad nauseum maxima) . My father's death was enlightening and a harsh wakeup call. We don't have time to waste on those who would complain about everything under the sun. Our lives need to be lived for ourselves. You determine alone how far you go in life. As I said, I may not be where I want to be in life, but if I sit and complain about it, I'm not moving forward.
When you're faced with the big problems, such as the loss of someone who is close to you, you realize that the small problems can be solved by working harder. Death is irreversible; all other things pale in comparison.
It's been 1 full month since my father passed away. It's not that I'm callous about my loss. It's not that i'm unfeeling towards the loss of my father. My father himself, would have said, "Grieve for me for a little bit, but move on. I am gone. You still have your life to live." That's why I am moving on with my life. And dedicating the rest of my life in memory of his. He never gave up, he lost his own father at the age of 6, yet he worked hard all his life...and never once complained about how tough his life was. I certainly will miss him. There are days that I really do miss his strength. But I have my own inner strength that he unlocked for me and that means I get my life in gear instead of sitting around bemoaning my fate. That means I pick myself off the ground and work towards building this photography business into a self-supporting business. And that's why I say that I have no time for people who whine about trivial things. There are some things that you can never get over like the loss of your loved ones and in that regards, all other trivial problems pale.
Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity. ~ Carl Jung
Everything comes gradually and at its appointed hour. ~ Ovid
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