FalconRose Photography ~ Dedicated in my Father's Memory

Each day without my father has been a journey in itself. I know that there are many choices to make. I know that my time on this earth is finite and I have to make the most of it. For many years I had no idea of what I wanted to do for the rest of my life and gravitated from job to job finding myself dissatisfied. I took music (in college), real estate (as a career) and accounting (as a potential job). I worked as an office person as well as a security guard and I also worked retail. Now, it seems, I have a concrete plan...a crystal clear goal of building this photography business from the ground up.

My dad wasn't too sure of whether or not I was going to be a success at anything that I attempted. Because for many years, I considered myself nothing else but a failure and you remember the old adage: If you feel that you are a failure and repeat it enough, the fallacy becomes reality. I kept asking myself "Why do you even bother when you haven't been able to be a success at anything in your life before." Before I was much too scared to think that I could be any good at being an entrepreneur. But finding the courage to do what I really want; to step outside my physical comfort zone means finding the peace to accept myself for who I really am.

My father was scared though of the fact that I was taking a step that he never had the courage to take himself; which was become an entrepreneur and try to take a business and make it a solid investment and the sole stable income in the family. Certainly he had done it himself with his gardening business but that was a secondary business to his full-time job as a glass cutter, but that wasn't really what he wanted to do. He wanted to learn to play the cello. But unfortunately during my infancy, he lost his thumb and index finger to the first joint in a glass cutting accident. It took him months and months of rehabilitation.

My father was absolutely estatic when I showed him the results of my photography attempts. He’d known that I had finally found my place. At least he was alive to know that I had finally found my place in this world. That’s all any father wants for their children and that’s all I want for my own children is that they find what they truly want to do with their lives. He knew I wasn’t happy in music, he knew that I wasn’t happy in real estate and he knew that I was absolutely not happy in accounting. But to see his face light up when he saw the results of my photography, that was the best feeling in the world.

My mother has always been sceptical of my photography attempts, but she has slowly come around in the wake of my father's death. And she has made one concession, that she is going to get me the DSLR body that I need to get started in wedding photography as well as the Nikon 70-200mm f/2.8 telephoto that I need for "staying out of the way" of the wedding party while they are doing what they need to be doing during the ceremony. All of this will run her in the neighbourhood of at least $4000.00 CDN. The rest of the lenses I have to earn myself. Consider me ever grateful to her for doing that for me.

My father's passing in December has lit a fire in my belly with regards to getting something going with this photography and turning it into a business. I know I have several strikes against me. 1) I'm starting a business when I haven't had a business course. I'm navigating uncharted territory. 2) I don't have a line of credit. My credit rating stinks worse than blue cheese. 3) I'm competing with people who have the finances to get a professional grade DSLR body or replace any lens any time that they want. But in my corner are: 1) my grit and determination to succeed 2) the skill and knowledge of being self-taught. 3) and the dedication to build this business in the memory of my father's life...in that he never, ever gave up and likewise in his memory, I will show my own children that their own father NEVER, EVER...GAVE UP!

FalconRose Photography is dedicated to my father's memory; his ever present courage and perseverence in the face of adversity and his belief in the fact that if you believe in your own inner strength, any obstacle can be overcome. This one's for YOU...Dad.

I love you, Dad, and I miss you so much.

Wow, cool clouds...

Saw some very interesting clouds today on the way back from dropping the kids off at school. The clouds had formed themselves into a kind of a shelf. Don't know what kind of atmospheric conditions affect the formation of such clouds in that shape...but here's the pics.







Stretched all the way from I would say Delta all the way across what would have been Port Coquitlam a stretch of at least 15-20 miles across at least that's what it seemed like from my view. But to tell you the truth, it was probably a far lot longer than that as my human perspective isn't conducive to accurate estimation of clouds and their size.

Ah...Spring...

We are finally starting to see signs of spring. Of course the one poor lone daffodil that was growing in the curbside planter got chopped in half. Poor thing. Whoever did that was an unfeeling jerk. So unfortunately I don't have a daffodil picture to show. I kept meaning to get a picture of it, but never got around to it.

Just took a small stroll around my complex's parking lot and saw several spring-related photo opportunities with my L11. That's my little point and shoot camera that I use when I don't feel like lugging the D50 out. At least then I'm able to get f/2.8-5.2 aperture with the camera.

We got little flowers...They're pretty. (I have no clue what these are because I'm not a botanist).



And then I took a picture of the buds on the trees right outside my front door.



From there, I walked over to the green leaves sprouting on this tree.



Then...I saw the blossoms sprouting on this tree. Absolutely gorgeous.



Finally I just had to take a picture of 4 of the 5 heathers that line the curb box of one of the neighbours.



After that, I decided that I would take my D50 out and photograph some of those blossoms on that tree.

Oooh, nice innards of computer...AH-CHOO *sniff* excuse me.

I don't know why, but hayfever has been hammering me for the past week. It's like every ragweed, birch, grass and mugwort pollen particle has been attracted to my sinuses. Been clogged up, and feeling out of sorts for days on end now.

Well, in between fits of sneezing yesterday, I managed, with the help of my cousin in Reno, to open up the Gateway desktop PC and managed to get some sort of preliminary diagnosis.



1) The computer does not have any power to it unless the start button is held down continuously.
2) The hard-drive will not start booting regardless of how long the start-button is held down.
3) When the start button is held down; all the fans: case fan, CPU fan, and the power supply fan all operate. When the start button is released, they all stop.
4) There is a green light on the motherboard that is on when the power button is pressed and held down. When it is released, it turns off. The power supply light is lit when the power cord to the back of the case is plugged in.

And of course, NOW it doesn't do anythng at all when the power button is pushed. Sometimes the power light comes on, sometimes the power light stays off. Anyways, yanked out the power switch, ground and hot wires leading to the LEDs and am going to replace all of them at NCIX at some point next week. Evidently, my wife's work doesn't have replacement wires/switches. If that doesn't work, then there could be a short in the power supply cord. Which pretty much means...replace the whole friggin' power supply.



And then now I've gone "STUPID". I'm now having ideas of building my own PC from the ground up. I want to have it be a Core i7 980X which is reputed to have a hyperthreaded-six-core processing unit. The reason behind this is that I'm looking at hyper-processing (on a usual shoot day, I run in excess of over 600 images or more). I've been also looking at going Photoshop CS4 when I get my computer and CS4 was optimized to run with a quad-core system. The reason I've been thinking about building my own machine is because I can't seem to get the stuff that I want with the boxed-package i7 machines available at the stores. I want to be able to pick my own parts and build my machine from the ground up. That way I get a chance to learn how to replace a SATA hard-drive, add more RAM, etc etc.

The faster I process, the sooner I can get on to my next shoot. I hate macro-processing a batch of 600+ photos and sitting there for an hour and a half while CS sits there and churns on a single processor. I'm not a gamer. I used to game, but no longer and I find that I don't miss the games either. But I find that I can use the speed for video/photo editing and it would be a godsend to have that.

Well, I'm going to look into how to build a PC and if I feel like I can manage it, I'll try. If not, I'll get buy with an expandable box system and throw in some upgrades.

Decisions...decisions...Broker...Trading Licence...

I got the letter back from the Real Estate Council that I can "challenge" my real estate course. And frankly, I can either challenge my broker's course or I can challenge my real estate trading (salesperson's) course. But do I really need the "status" of being an associate broker? I'm not going in there with the attitude that I want to "be somebody" in the real estate business. I'm going in there with the plan of selling my mother's house, flipping a few ends and then getting the hell back out the business to pursue my photography.

Yeah, being an "associate broker" sounds so cool, but you know what? It doesn't mean a whole hell of a lot of beans in the business if you're not in there to make money. And I'm not a "Real Estate Tycoon"...a shark in the business. I feel like a minnow in a shark tank every time I step into those waters. It's not a comfortable feeling. The only reason I felt comfortable in the business was because I had two "great whites" (both were Medallion Club members) hanging around as friends and as protectors (if I felt overwhelmed, they were always hanging around to give me a hand). Thanks, Calvin, Thanks Bruce.

Photography's my life...it's what I was meant to do. And the sooner I get my mother's house sold and get my photography business going, the happier I'll be.

Second Thoughts...with regards to Real Estate

I have been having second thoughts regarding going back into real estate. There have been slanderous words said about me from my maternal uncle's side of the family and I'm not too happy about that. I don't like the fact that my uncles are shoving my mother around under the guise of "we just want to help you..." and because my mother is distraught over Dad's death, that she's buying it hook, line and sinker. I have my own reasons for disliking my maternal uncles. I want nothing more to do with them. As far as I am concerned, the Mimoto side of the family is DEAD to me. And if the two of those uncles piss me off even more, I will ennokiru ~disown~ that entire family line out of the Chikamori family rolls in Japan from my maternal grandmother on down. And that I can do as the titular head of the Chikamori family upon my father's death. Now the uncles think that my mother nor myself deserve to inherit anything from the estate of my maternal grandfather despite the fact that I was the firstborn grandson of my maternal grandfather and that I was the only one that he knew. They would raise a stink if I was the "realtor" who sold the Mimoto "family" home and try to cut me out of my commission.

When Dad died, I came to the realization that this will happen to me soon enough. When he passed away, I realized that my remaining life was measured in a few decades, not in a half-century. That I may end up taking the same final walk that he did. I hope that there is something there after death. I want to believe that there isn’t the “finality” of death; that there is something there…beyond the grave. I want to believe that our spirits go to a spirit world where all our family is waiting there for us to cross over. I want to believe that I’ll see Dad again, where-ever he is. And I want him to be there with open arms saying “Anata no jinsei jozu ni torikoshita.” I want him to be able to say “Well done, my son, I’m proud of you.” ~ something he was never able to do in life. I want to believe that we’ll be there together again as a family. I keep hearing that “Tanomu yo…Tanomu yo…~I ask you to do this for me...~” in my head. And I’m taking it to mean that he knew that I finally found what I wanted to do in life and he wanted me to RUN with it. He knew that I’d finally found what I wanted to do in my life. And the last time I showed him the picture of that dolphin leaping he was so damned proud of me for nailing that shot with perfect exposure. I showed him the shot of the heron at that playground and he was beaming with pride. He’d known that I had finally found my place. At least he was alive to know that I had finally found my place in this world. That’s all any father wants for their children and that’s all I want for my own children is that they find what they truly want to do with their lives. He knew I wasn’t happy in music, he knew that I wasn’t happy in real estate and he knew that I was absolutely not happy in accounting. But to see his face light up when he saw the results of my photography, that was the best feeling in the world.

The photography business that I’m trying to develop is not for me; it’s ultimately for the kids in the end. It’s supposed to be a concrete example that no matter how hard their Dad was hit or knocked to the ground, he didn’t quit. He got up, brushed himself off and kept striving for that goal no matter how many times he failed. And that was what my Dad taught me. He always said. “Fight o motan katara dame! ~You have to have that fight inside yourself~" You have to always keep fighting; fighting to win! If I don’t fight, if I don’t strive to win, then I’m good as dead. I might as well end it, because then I’m no use to my own family. Grandpa gave that example to me with his restarting his gardening business after the war, Dad gave that example to me after no matter what the obstacles, he kept working harder than ever. And I want to hold that example to my own children; that their Dad never gave up; no matter what anyone thought of him. I want to die of a heart-attack with a camera in my hand, doing what I was meant to do. That’s the way I want to go.

I have 35 years left if that; and I can’t waste another moment. No matter how long it takes, my end goal will be to leave my existence with a legacy for my children; their father’s photographic career, this business if they want to take it over. I want to live up to my father’s final request of me: "Tanomu yo... ".

Joy of joys...Service Interruption!

Joy of joys of joys. Microsoft screwed up our internet connection. That is one of the reasons why I severely hate Windows Vista. Right now I'm reading a yellow triangle with a "!" in the middle as a result of this stupid problem. Heather is going to have to fix this problem with Shaw and see if there's a way of getting that stupid computer to recognize the Shaw connection or otherwise it's going to be a friggin' boring ass day today. Maybe I'll just take photographs today or something, maybe clean the washroom and the kitchen. Maybe I'll just veg. I don't know but if I'm not connected to the internet, then I can't do jack-squat with regards to updating blogs or what-not. Not that it's a big deal, but it would be nice when I get the "idea" to be able to update quickly.

What is really frustrating me is the lack of a proper photo-editing computer. Our desktop computer is completely down and I'm not able to update the way I want to. I want to get that fixed before June so that I can start really photographing again. Freelance photography is the way to go in terms of this photography business and I can't do anything while the computer is completely down. I need to talk to Paris, my wife's cousin, regarding opening the computer up and figuring where the noise is coming from inside the case. Then I take it in to LD to see what they can do about it. It's like a "car turning over" sound which only happens when I hold the start button down. If I take the finger off the start button, then it stops. Like I said, what a pain in the @$$.

Anyways, that's currently what's going on with the computers in this home right now.

Update: Evidently we're back up online again. Evidently it was a Shaw Service Problem and techs were working on it. When we called in to find out what was going on, there was a service message. Yippee...yay.